Fear of losing. It maybe either someone or something. It's troubling me. I want to share to you this personal happening in me. In my meditations I get across memories that probably had a huge impact in my life. My past, I think, has been a gold mine filled with life-changing events that had influenced me until this time.
I searched on the internet what this means and I found out that I am free-accessing my subconscious. All the past memories that had been deposited there since my childhood are waking me up at dawn and sometimes appearing in my dreams, and sometimes causes me to be emotional in my wake hours, for no reason. This has been troubling and I find this to be worth sharing here again.
According to research, your personality stems out from the past memories that maybe had a huge impact on you, because at that time you were emotional. Those memories get stored in the subconscious and can get the defining factor why you had that kind of views in life. Example, currently you fear losing someone because in your past you lost dearest someone because of your being irresponsible. And now you try very hard to get him/her within you because you fear you might lost him/her again. It affected you much that you become obsess with the thought. Your actions and perceptions get affected by it making it the basis of your choices and actions. Or, in another situation, you fear being criticized. In the past you were criticized and it made you emotional. Now you fear being judged for small reasons because you drag with you your past memories.
One of my deepest desires is the want to control. No need to elaborate this. One step at a time I'm recognizing my fears and desires and it had been happening as of late. This is a tremendous discovery for me because it allows me to know my blindspots and know myself deeper. And the chance to end this Quarter-life crisis once and for all.
Either way, there must be root to those things.
Accessing my subconscious and getting to root causes can get harder. There lies my deepest fears and deepest desires. And in order to get a slight self-mastery, this is an important process that should not be neglected by me. My meditations is helping a lot in this.
But the danger is far too big for this kind of journey. It's too risque and I need a solid self-awareness and a ton of willpower with me in getting there. Because I might fail and lost my sanity along the way. I might not be able to go back to the reality.
There lies my fantasies since my deepest desires are there and might just be beautiful staying there. And there lies my deepest fears and might scare me all he way to where I am.
I digress.
I need a break. I need to go somewhere.
Love and Care.
2 comments:
Do not worry too much for the problem you have is quite normal. Most people tend to reminisce the past, and more often than not, the memories that made them regret of making such choices that led them to where they are today. For example, a person took nursing when in fact he wanted to take engineering. The what if's of choosing the latter instead of nursing haunts that person from time to time. In all spectrum of such thought, you are a healthy individual capable of manipulating the future by re-evaluating the past.
My two cents of suggestion: make friends with the past so it will not hinder the future. You may plan ahead but live your life daily. Every step is a process and there are not shortcuts. If you want to obtain control, do so. But don't forget the reason behind the urge because it will fuel you to strive even harder.
If you want to talk, I will listen. You know who I am.
To Aizen, your two cents of advice is beneficial especially the first. I appreciate that bro.
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