In Which I Get Introspective

Sometimes I think I'm hypocrite(because I am).

Time had been in no constant change that everybody are not busy, when it was only me who had not been hectic.

It never ceases to amaze me how a year of this blogging activity seemed to be ritual of introspection of my sanity. That in somewhat I made things clearer from a bending perspective. I had taken a little much better in an elbow grease to the crowd I've so much wanted to hear a part of me. Out of respect for me, I was forced to forget myself to sate this nagging feeling I never get accustomed, but my mind seems to have a life of its own.

It's my anniversary. It's July and I'm officially a one-year-old blogger.

At this point, I'm somewhat introspective to what I've gotten myself into in a short interval of time.

Over the year as I expose my self to a bunch of strangers, I've seen change in my approach. Mostly, or at least, I have become transparent and have been courageous enough to play the clown. Though at times I feel the urgent to express my real "concerns" or show to the public the seriousness of my being, I'm compelled to play the clown for I fear people's disapproval of me. It frightens me when I'm being evaluated or judged due to my emotional defect and weakness. The bias about my physical affectionate may preclude uneasiness to readers which I never wanted to lay out in the open court of public opinion. I know for sure the majority of my readers are intellectually loaded and can work out to what I lay down here, at least. But to some extent, because of pessimism and people's lack of enthusiast about my ability to be serious, I'm forced to play like an idiot. Constantly compelled to play the comedy. And I don't have to show in front of you scream like a toddler for me to be understood -I'm way too old for that.

Side Note: You know the good thing about blogging? You don't see me crying right now.

So today I wish to briefly discuss in somewhat introspective mood. Don't expect this time I'll be acting whore to satisfy your horny minds from the green jokes I mock on you on the usual basis gratifying those huge sexual hungers. There's a porn site out there.

So here we go.

As I go on reread some posts in the archive today, I noticed some growth. No! Not in my genitalia, in my maturity. Seeing my works in screen reciprocated what could I've ever been of someone who looks at me in person. I've seen myself as another person I never knew for a very long time - and I kind of hate myself for that. Something arose in my personality for what I've known as halo and disguise stretching from the depth of what I call as "Me". Remembering something in this piece of paper(or whatsoever) I learned to reassess myself. Over the year, I've learned to confront my living body as a part of shit thrown to the world to reconcile with stuffs and things and the unknowns and those to be known and everything beyond definitions.

For several reasons I find it helpful to mock you with some of my imperfections, often than not. And my flaws are glaring. Without those this wouldn't be a joyride of fun reading. But hey, if I hadn't been a psycho in the style of what I write, you wouldn't be concluding this blog as an Entertainment. And I've learned to laugh at people who used to think I'm shit.

Absolutely, none of them I regret.

I don't fancy myself a writer or a poet because I am not. I am just a plain individual who believe not all great memories can be compacted in our insidious brain. So I put it into blog. It is not what I really wanted but I have a dream to change the world. Although it's awkward, a grotesque urge to compliment such dream is incomprehensible for the world to know about my views in God and Political ideology. And I still watch very little television, which put me a difference from people my age.

The truth is, though, it is not in my blood to be obscene and complain whatever wrong turn I stumble after a loss, I get used to never totally trust fate - it's deceitful.

Also, writing this blog is the medium I had at best for a world take-over. True to form, I have been secretive about this and had not been mentioning about my true motive of this whole blogging thing. But, if you do care, albeit I'm mostly not in action in usual basis, you will have an idea about my plan to conquer the world in a slightly eccentric version.

Looks very insidious, right? A nice guy like me? Can transform to a monster and wants the whole world be part of his realm, isn't that sweet? Haha go ahead, shame me.

To end this, I would like to supplement you with a poem I made while cooking and doing the laundry last Sunday. It's in my nature to be creative when doing something out of the context of my gender. So yeah!

Eternally
© 2011 David Martin Asebias

Lost in a time frame.
Brought
forth
the wave of spring.
The dust of Sunrise,
faltered,
sealed in gram,
... an iota of wonder.

Here comes the meteors.
Night rose from darkness,
glaring.
Stars
seen in lightyears,
ripping my eyes
in
awe.

There I am.
Sitting.
Lost in time frame.
Frozen,
steadfast,
still.
But it's not too late
to save the fallen Renasissance.
In my mind I see
a warcry,
a battlecry,
ragnarok.
I'm lost in a time frame.

Meanwhile,
I lifted my eyes.
Then I saw.
There.
There you are,
a sign of wonders.
Stardust!
-Bold and  fiery.
Eternally lost in a time frame.
----

Love and Care.