Gratitude And Serenity (Part 2...)

“Set me like a seal upon thy heart,
         love is as strong as death.”

Those words of Viktor Frankl, lived by him, justifies what had I been trying to relay my personal conviction to anyone.

I sit in the couch to write this note and remember every beloved I have.

An eagle catapulted to the sky, from this standpoint she is able to see the beauty of earth, in a little, tiny bird’s eyeview, she could see how bountiful life would have been. Frankl’s words emanating the spirit of his values intensifies as I behold those lines and penetrate me for the moment.

Mental images of my father cornered me, with my mom at his side sitting at home. How wonderful and great experience to think of them for a while. I felt an instant relief as the images started to stir in my mind. This serenity I feel deep inside, my hands intertwined, closely near my chest, I started to re-call every gratitude I can remember for having them until now. And the people I am indebted, the ones who allowed me to lean on their shoulders at the time I was weakest, not out of obligation but out of love. I recall them one by one. Nothing could touch the strength of my love and thoughts and images of my beloved at the moment.

I find it verytragic experience since I’ve been not doing it for quite some time.

Then I stop for a moment to recall my college buddies. How are they now? What kind of life are they having now? Rarely do I see them these days. There are hurt moments of not seeing them like the days when we were out there at school gathering around. Then I think of my childhood life. Very memorable as it was since those were the years I was vulnerable and exposed. The image of a tender child, so tender that it knows nothing about the world. The world of love and war. Such vulnerability can transcend to a milestone of strength of character.

As I write in my journal this morning, I thought for a second the times I was happiest and the times I was loneliest. Simultaneously, I examined what caused the elation and frustration that heightened those emotions. Those memories are vivid and clear in my mind, quintessential to finding my purpose in life.

In days of frustration and weakness, I can objectively witness my own self showing some skepticism and insensitivity in the purest clinical sense. I feel sorry for it and to let you know, I am also troubled inside whenever I do those wretchedness in front of you.To my parents whom I have caused much pain, you know I love you and you know everytime I cause you burdens and pains I also feel deeply troubled inside for such rudeness in my part. If you are reading this, this is all I’ve always wanted to tell you. And also in happiness and serenity I could witness my very self with an outpouring sense of humility and humor.

That I am grateful.

My father, whom I had admired the most about character, keeps reminding me to keep faith. Even in matters of desolation and despair, cling to it and it will save you, he said. I regret the days where I lost faith in myself and in God; a loss would have been avoided. Now, even when doing simple things, I keep it with me.

…

The day went well and I am more firm and committed to fulfilling my mission and purpose in life. The desire of the heart is always greater than the desire of the flesh.  In my existence of almost a quarter of century, it was now I understood what the greatest thinkers and sages and poets had stressed out in their writings.

Love and Care.