Freedom Of Choice

It's 3:45pm this afternoon, I'm sittng in this bench for a bout 35mins now. And doing nothing sometimes thoughts would pop out. Practically just looking outside as the vehicles from private and public rides pass by. I let the fan steadied for awhile facing me.  This day and the past days, few customers came to the shop, and this afternoon was not an excuse. I feel bored and random thoughts would come. Sometimes it's like this instances that I come to think about my life. I've been having crisis for the past months and the tension inside has gotten stronger up to now.

Im coming to a point of deciding ultimately for my self. But my mind is filled with mindsets from the past. The culture they formed in me from the people I interacted in the past is haunting me. I feel I'm being dragged to their control and own culture. Parents, relatives, peers, school influence, etc.. These things had been my deciding factors instead of asking myself first.

I sit in this bench quietly, the noise outside coming from the vehicles passing the shop would at time bring me to the present from  deep thinking. I shifted my weight to the right to feel my body and release the tension of the left side from getting numb. I'm alone here with just a willpower and a music of Ed  Sheeran titled "Photograph".

Suddenly I remembered this man Viktor Frankl, the existential psychiatrist who believed on the willpower of every man.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our responce. In our response lies our growth and freedom"

I didn't get much excitement remembering the quotation, but I had again a clue for what will be the deciding factor that I am yet to take for my self.

At this age, 24, it's hard and tough and practically needs more willpower to go outside my comfort zone. But I'm trying.




Love and care.