An Unworthy Reflection

I guess it all have to begin with a warm greeting and a heartfelt salutation in making the whole theology classes interesting. It was a joyride of fun and learning. Seriously, I can’t think of anything to reflect about the whole activities in theology, but let me just reiterate about some realizations and insights I had during those activities. Perhaps, I have no more reason to hide anything I felt when I started taking the theology class this second semester wherein I am almost on the tip of the iceberg. I mean, the end of my college schooling is almost a step away. But what have I been doing with all these years? I can’t think of any memory I made myself a real student of a religious school wherein I have to be in the program making myself a favor to do good in my studies. Not even until now.

And now that I’m taking this subject in theology and doing a lot of undifferentiated activities made me feel unease, seemingly to be guilty of my past where I lived a horrible fate from a disgust of my being. While I struggle with my own tangles and defending myself from this disfavoring fate, I became more anxious and felt dirty in the inside. Then, I found myself at the pit of sodomized destiny, startled, bewildered, and alone.

Thank God I found myself and now making my way to a newer me. It was through some reflections of the activities and also the retreat that helped me recover. I find it a little embarrassing knowing I’ve been a little shit in my entire stay in school. For that, I’m going on a decision that could somehow change my dispirited being. I can’t show it publicly since public display of me is my Achilles heel--still I’m having this low self-esteem. Sooner, if no hindrances alter the path I will also be able to recover from this low self-esteemness.

Not to prolong this oddness, I’ll be hoping and looking forward in getting rid from this stupidity and mediocrity, which something I’m not so proud of. Teacher Sherma Repol really rocks, the whole class is really awesome. It’s actually hard to admit that I’ve been a walking cliché before, but because of you guys, I’m doing well now. By the way, sorry for the madness… I will make it up to you.

 
 Love.