Time To Fart And Poop

So this might be the worst of the posts I ever invented. I have been trying to decipher what to create to satiate some kind of blog-reading for the readers for me not to be busted and be taken for granted. And in haste to make something credible, I stumbled upon a corner wasting my time making a stupid piece of shit.

Haven't I told you before about problems in my life which I often encounter everyday? Do you realise sometimes how destructive our bodily functions when they become uncontrolled and untamed? That goes by saying that problems as like one of mine has been intolerable for such kind of dipshit farting. Yes, you heard it correctly. Apparently, that bodily problem come in contact from time to time when time holds the least of it. I mean, releasing that gas in your colon needs a time-bounded part of your routine and a huge space for it to blow the hell out. I am not talking about simple farting moments, I am talking about those farting times where you require a lot of skill and some ninjutsu to release the load of air trapped in your stomach.

At times I think this sign really matters

And sometimes, it becomes a burden for you because it disturbs the people around, and considering it's scent that suffocates you and the people around killing all nasal cells remaining. My personal reason why I don't fart in public is that, I'm saving it for the sake of diplomacy.

It said in the book holding a fart is bad for the health. And it also said that the average human being can fart 14 times a day. That's quite numerous and that's something you should be mindful of. I don't think I know anyone else who'd love to hold a fart for a long time to conserve the fractional free-pollution environment we have. Absolutely the gas swarming in the open space which you everyday release isn't the cause of pollution.  Perhaps...but that's not really.

It made me think, though, rather than destroying our body by holding them, why don't we release them as far as time and place are concerned. Nothing makes worse by doing that.

Sometime in  my life I happened to hold a fart(a real ferocious fart) in a random place where I have to hold it because I have no plan to disappoint the people whom I was talking to. I tried to save my energy and decided to focus on myself so as to minimise the pressure and wait for it until the urge subsides. The plan was to release it when everyone disperse so I can terrorise the whole area without affecting anyone else. I've waited... and waited until everyone was out of sight. And when the site was clear, I managed to use my little saved energy to blow the hell in a raging manner.

The least I haven't known about trapping a completely wild gas was that, the longer it stays inside the more it becomes erratic and active producing more stinks and encouraging all nearby solid particles to unleash with it. The thing I didn't know also about releasing a massive pressure is that, the harder you try to push it the more it becomes violent and furious making it a certified weapon of mass destruction.

In all occasion, I entertained what was expected. The next thing that happened, there was an undifferentiated sound that resounded the whole vicinity where I was stranded, a loud crash shuttered every tiny living organism residing in it. It was closely followed by the sudden gush of that dirty particles which was triggered by the blow filling the lower part of my underwear. I felt an instant relief, a sigh of satisfaction cornered me. My underwear was warm. There was silence. The offending smell of the 'matter' that slowly filling up the open space thwarted my senses. It was a perfect time where I made a horrible dipshit.

"That's some gross!"

I ended up the whole day trying to look fine despite the mess I made. Fuck!

That incident was pretty funny, I know. That happening was a reminder that we humans aren't perfect, and that our bodily functions can alter anytime no matter how we try to avoid from falling into that kind of activity. No matter how we try to avoid pooping our pants with a ferocious fart, still we can't avoid fall into such gross.

Can anybody else tell me about a similar bodily retardation that once occurred in your life? I'd be grateful if you share that with me. Any tragedy you wish to share is welcome here. Damn it!